Your last wish
by RoastPigeon
Summary: Zetsu's sent to check up on Itachi's and Sasuke's fight which hasn't begun yet. Since the older Uchiha's going to die soon, as they both know, it's okay for him to do whatever he wants... right? ItaZet PWP-ish oneshot-thingy. NSFW, crack, ooc, spoilers, lemon.


**You know how it goes, guys... Like: "Wait... What am I even writing...?" I know ****_perfectly_**** that such a pairing doesn't even exist. And if it does, it's so crack, you'll get high from it. And I'm a hypocrite, saying that I don't like OOC and writing an ItaZet fanfic. Even so, I had to try. To practice and improve my skill.**

**The warnings: NSFW. Crack. Lemon. Swearing. Spoilers. **

**I don't own Naruto or any of the characters, but I guess that goes per say.**

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Your last wish

Damn all the Uchihas, Zetsu thought while he emerged from a boulder somewhere around said clan's hideout. The fact he was there and not at home photosynthesizing or watering himself was again because of an Uchiha, Sasuke, to be precise. His order was to check up on the fight between Itachi and his brother, but since they didn't know when the kid was planning to arrive, the plant-man had to get in touch with the older Uchiha as soon as possible.

Something bothered him about that matter from the beginning. Why was Leader-sama sending him out when he could just wait until Itachi contacted him? The logical reason would be that they didn't know the outcome of the match yet. So, connecting the two things, it seemed like Pein believed Itachi would die. Now, that was interesting. Even though, sometimes, he preferred to stay out of messed-up family issues, Zetsu stated to himself.

He decided he would quicken up his pace by passing through the wall of the building. The hideout stood proudly on a hill in the countryside, resistant and unscathed on the outside, but empty, except for that one man Zetsu was going to meet. When he merged with the thick wall and ended up on the other side, he was welcomed by utter darkness.

"Apparently, Uchihas are too tragical to turn on the lights." White half said dreamily.

"**You better not make any noise.**" the other Zetsu remarked. After that, they both stayed quiet until they found the main room, with a throne made of stone in the back.

And there sat Itachi, staring annoyed and aloof at the other Akatsuki member. His head rested on the palm of his right hand while his left digits drummed on the other cold railing. As much as he usually looked calm, now he seemed impatient.

"You're early, the fight hasn't started yet." Itachi noted.

"**Better early than late.**"

Zetsu assumed Pein wasn't a fool; so apparently, this man could, or more like _was going to _die. How should he look at someone who has his minutes counted? He had shot thousands of glances of sadistic pity towards his soon-to-be-meals, but no, Itachi couldn't compare to them. He'd make a delicious dinner, but he was more useful alive, Zetsu admitted. The question was, why didn't his boss tell the Uchiha his future if he was so sure of it? Maybe, just maybe, Itachi already knew... At this point, Zetsu could say anything to him, as long as he doesn't get mad enough to kill him; nothing had a consequence or an outcome with a dead man. That's why he decided to ask a question.

"Why do you accept your death?" Itachi furrowed his brows. He probably didn't expect the other man to know about this.

"It's destiny, a choice that has to be made. If I didn't die, someone else would. "

Zetsu entered a wall, reappearing in the backrest of the throne. Itachi remained impassive, not really giving a damn about the bi-colored face next to his.

"Are you getting friendly with the idea of leaving this world?" white Zetsu was known to have better intentions than his other half, but still, this was _Zetsu_. It was only natural for him to have a mocking tone.

"**Would you like to do something before you go?**"

"No, not really. What I will accomplish by dying is the only thing I wish for." the plant man started to be very interested in the subject, but he soon realized it was useless to ask Itachi to explain anything. He never did.

The organization's best spy tried to give away the fact that he hadn't eaten anything for the past three days and observed the Uchiha like an entity instead of food. He slipped out of the throne's solid material and leaned against it for support. Itachi's red eyes almost glowed in that dull darkness as they trailed down the torso of the man that was two men.

"**You're staring.**"

"Like something you see?" sometimes, the two halves were synchronized and could talk like one person.

"Do you, by accident, think you can do whatever you want with me because my death is certain, Zetsu?" the plant man believed that was the very first time Itachi said his name. They rarely met, but still, it was like the raven could see right through him; maybe another capacity of those eyes.

"I bet you think just the same." Black would've slapped White if it wasn't his own face being hit. He was taking this too far. Zetsu decided to change his position, kneeling besides the seat this time, turning towards a still nonchalant Itachi. His white hand stretched out to lightly poke the other man's pale arm. The Uchiha wasn't wearing the Akatsuki cloak; despite the lack of light, the temperature was high in the hideout, considering that it was the middle of summer. Zetsu's finger pushed his bicep a little. No reaction. So he was planing to ignore him...

"Nice muscles, I bet they taste delicious."

"**Shut up, Shiro!**" the stupidity of his other half had pushed Black over the edge. Itachi looked at them questioningly, as only an outsider in the situation.

"What would you do if I ate you, hm, Itachi?" White asked, clearly enjoying the way he was pestering the Uchiha. It worked, he could almost hear the nerves twitching in the other man's head. Black Zetsu soon realized this was more amusing than he thought and decided to play along. In the end, they always got to an agreement.

"**As a martyr as you are, I think you'd like if I torn you into small pieces and swallowed them one by one.**" the plant man soon found himself pinned against the throne's backside, with a pale and cold hand gripping his throat.

"There's a limit to everything." Itachi said with a dark voice, his eyes wide as he activated his sharingan.

"Wow, I didn't guess you'd go all psycho if I teased you a bit, Itachi-san! But it's kind of... exciting!" White Zetsu said between two hysterical laughers, soon starting to cough and choke. The raven haired man moved his hand away, still keeping the other pinned with the other.

"What do you mean _exciting_?" he said in a very suggestive tone.

"**You have a dirty mind, brat**" Black whispered huskily. "**So you think you can also do whatever you want if I can, huh?**"

"Correct." Itachi roughly pressed his lips against those bi-colored ones, forcing his tongue in Zetsu's throat; he almost got it bitten down by the living plant's fangs. They parted, Zetsu still panting heavily from the earlier stifling.

"_**There's no way we're letting you dominate!**_" both halves stated, gathering all the strength of their molded bodies. Even so, they couldn't free themselves from the Uchiha's arms, as desperately as they tried.

"Shut up." Itachi tossed him on the ground. That was what he liked about doing it with males; he didn't have to be careful with them. His partner, this time, was an S-rank missing nin, to boot. He was pretty sure he would have to put more thought into it if he really wanted to cause Zetsu harm.

"Ouch." White said nevertheless, not exactly pleased with his intentions to top turned down so roughly. The other man towered above him, unbuttoning the plant-man's Akatsuki cloak. Itachi also got to know something he wondered about earlier in his days in the organization: the leaves around Zetsu's head were attached to his shoulders by a jutsu. Noticing the dark haired man's stare, the other nin released the technique, making his trademark accessory disappear. He looked more human without the leaves and Itachi surprisingly realized that Zetsu was in fact shorter than him. Since they could be short on time, Itachi decided to skip all the _useless parts_ and shoved three fingers in the plant-man's mouth, who started choking again, caught by surprise.

"Suck." he demanded, gripping Zetsu's green scalp to prevent him from stopping. The other man coated Itachi's fingers with saliva, obeying the order. Nothing unwanted was happening, after all. When the Uchiha felt it was enough, he slipped his hand behind Zetsu, looking for his entrance and shoving all the digits in at once when he found it.

"GAH! You don't like foreplay, do you?" White winced in pain. Black didn't feel differently either, but he was too humiliated to talk.

"Don't be mistaken. I want a good fuck before I die, that's all." Itachi was cruel. The raven thrust the digits in and out, making the other man already moan and grunt. Because Zetsu liked that cruelty; it was inhuman, just like him.

"**You want a fuck, but you're not doing anything**." the plant-man's dark side hissed, only to argue with the other male.

As a response, Itachi grabbed the base of his dick and shoved it all the way into Zetsu, losing his patience.

"Aaaaaah...! You're not really talkative, are you, Itachi-san? But it's... nhh... all good! The way you ram it into me turns me on more than dirty talk!" White said quite loudly, his hips bucking at every thrust. As much as he could think in the heat of the moment, he wondered if something was wrong with him. He wasn't usually _this _excited when taken. Maybe it was his heartless knowledge. Itachi was now fucking him, but some hours later he will die and be erased from this world forever. So, technically, he was the lucky one here. He moaned at the thought which made his erection hurt even more than it already did. Yes, something was definitely wrong with him.

"**Oh god, Itachi-saaaaan**!" said Uchiha grunted, already close to his release. Zetsu smirked; he knew it would be a turn on if his black half spoke. It was one of his two sides' synch-moments. In the storm of thoughts about death, meat, sex and bestiality, the plant-man came, spurting semen all over his own bi-colored chest. As a chain reaction, also did Itachi, releasing inside him.

"Zetsu...!"

It was a faint whisper, but it amused the bipolar man to no end. Like what they did had some meaning. The raven pulled out of him and they both stood up, quickly dressing up. Sasuke could arrive at any moment and it'd be more than ridiculous if he found them like this. The only thing in both their minds was regret. They risked to be caught off their guard by the enemy and abandoned their duty as a ninja. As for Itachi, it didn't even matter anymore, he realized. He walked back to the throne and sat down, without thanking, saying goodbye or even shooting a glance at Zetsu.

"I'll hide in a wall for security issues." said plant-man stated, and so he did.

After three hours, Sasuke arrived. Zetsu watched all the fight and saw Itachi die, just the way it was supposed to happen. Or not? His last gesture had something weird about it, but he left the thought alone. His mission wasn't making opinions, just reporting. He didn't want to get any closer to that family, also.

He was damn sure now; he hated Uchihas.

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**Now, I shall tell you a story. Once upon a time, there was a dorky little girl and her right hand. Said limb had a life on its own. Every time the girl tried to write something (she was right-handed), it was modified by the evil Right hand's will, so her stories turned out completely different from what she was planning to do. The end.**

**Also, as I say: "No review is better than hurting my feelings". My tear glands are uncontrollable, so please ;-;**


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